it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
