Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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