I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
