im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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