Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
