Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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