When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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