It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
