my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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