Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
