Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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