Don't you send me to vm
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
