I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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