i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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