he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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