the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
