I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
