beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
