Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
