she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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