Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
