We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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