my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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