Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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