Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
