I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How does it feel to date your dad?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
