am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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