Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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