Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
