I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
