The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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