Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
