32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
