So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
