3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
