that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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