i was born a porn star she said
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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