I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
