you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
