i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
