apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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