And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
