He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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