I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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