I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
