I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
