Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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