too bad you live with your parents still
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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