A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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