umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
