is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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