i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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