Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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