it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
