oh god the rape fog is back!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
