Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
