You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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