i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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