I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The air was thick with penises
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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