don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
