and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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