There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
