you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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