Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
