Just cropdusted the office
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
