omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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