i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
