allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
