Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
