just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
