can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
